I have really been struggling these last few weeks. Nobody, not even my husband and kids, knows. I'm experiencing massive amounts of insecurity, anger and very dark, negative thinking; it's been like torture. The worst thing about it is, aside from the feelings, the fact that my reality is actually going very well ; but some part of me cannot truly enjoy it. My business is expanding and growing and I'm receiving numerous new opportunities. My 3 kids each have their own incredible successes happening; including my oldest (a daughter) committing to her 1st choice college to play soccer. My husband is a loving, supportive and happy. And yet, it has been difficult to escape the negativity inside; but I will not allow it to remain.
Most people in my life do not know these things about me. People tend to put us in a category and rarely think of us outside of it. What can we expect though? We get wrapped up in daily life and rarely take the time to examine our own story, let alone share it with others. I see quotes all over Social Media like "everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about; be kind"; and I totally agree. We all have struggles, strife and even battles; some more than others. Yet we hardly ever share with each other, or learn from each other, or connect deeply enough with each other to know what those battles and struggles are.
If I am going to continue one moire day to follow my purpose of helping others with Angel Readings and healing, I've got to answer a call that I have heard for a very long time. And I'll bet when I tell you about it, maybe you have felt or heard something similar too.
I've dabbled and danced around this call for a while, about 5 years or so, with my writing; but I have been playing it safe and only willing to take it so far. Today, and for a while now, I am feeling extremely compelled to give more; to fully write about the truth behind what has driven me over the years to heal myself and do this work. My feelings of insecurity, negativity and anger have their story. It's one I have worked hard to overcome, and have been able to in so many ways; but the story is mostly my secret. This is the call; to let go of the secret and unleash a new level of profound healing (for myself and hopefully many others).
So. Here goes. I'm answering the call.
When you grow up in an alcoholic home, abused by your parents, you struggle to feel secure with yourself and others; with anything really. You live in a constant state of worry, fear and doubt; it's like fight or flight ALL THE TIME. Children exposed to chaos from parents who drink too much/too often, parents who use physical domination as a form of discipline/parenting, and a family filled with no boundaries and loads of dysfunctional behaviors (from sexual predators to violent criminals) grow up without feeling safe.
Don't get me wrong, there was plenty of love in my childhood and plenty of fun times. But there was also lots and lots of turmoil, hitting, spanking, belt beatings, purse beatings, yelling, screaming, crying, hysteria, dysfunction, negativity, inappropriate behavior and anger; truckloads and truckloads of anger. This was my childhood, I can never change it; but I will no longer be ashamed of it either.
Being a highly energy sensitive person, ongoing exposure to this extremely toxic energy really, really messed me up for a long, long time. After a couple decades of way too much partying (to cover up my pain) and creating a host of health issues (including migraines, fibroids and anxiety), it was my spiritual awakening and journey that changed everything. I got help from some amazing intuitives and energy healers, who finally led me to uncover and face the fact that I was co-dependent and indeed a survivor of abuse.
These healers (and my angels) also inspired me to reconnect with my own intuitive gifts, which I had suppressed as a teen because they made me feel way too different, and help others with their own healing path; my pain inspired me to create something positive. That is how my Angel Reading and Healing business was born, eventually leading to writing a book ("Truth Works, Divine Life Lessons For Kids of All Ages") and blogging. The work I do with clients is amazing; they are brave and they change their lives for the better every single day. They inspire me to carry on and do more and more to share what I know about healing from my experience, my training and my work with the angels.
So why are the insecurities resurfacing so strongly after all these years?
Well, that river runs very, very deep. Healing is a journey, it's not a destination; if we are living, we are healing on some level. This has come to my conscious mind again as a call to share it and create a place where others can do the same. It is time to finally bring this into the light and give other people a way to do the same in their own lives. When you shine a light, darkness begins to disappear.
I literally cannot keep this inside any more. For far too long, I have not spoken or written about my story because I was afraid. The alcoholics from my childhood home deny any issues. The abusers from my childhood home refuse to talk about it or admit it happened. The sibling from my childhood home still lives in chaos and chooses not to seek help. That family will likely never change or take any responsibility for their actions, but I had to forgive them any way. I had to understand that my parents really did do their best; the best they could at the time given their own backgrounds (which they still deny) with neglect and abuse (but that is their story, not mine to tell).
I have changed and I am answering the call! I'm shining a light so this darkness will fade. I'm shining this light so maybe some other people will want to shine theirs along with mine. Truth is a light, denial, secrets and lies are just too dark for me to bare one second longer. Insecurity fades the minute you look at your doubts or fears and say "I'm doing this any way!'
This blog post is my light. I am telling the truth that I AM STRUGGLING and, most importantly, telling my story of why. I'm struggling right along side many (maybe even most) of you. Sharing it and talking about it makes it heal, because it removes the negative energy of secret keeping, hiding in darkness and storing up shame. I have learned to love myself enough to know those things are not good for me or for anybody else either. I can choose to hold the pain inside and struggle, or I can let it out and triumph!
It's the same for any of us; once you share your story, it moves from struggle to triumph. Darkness cannot exist where there is light, and the truth is light. I want to continue my work and help people heal, grow, and create better lives. I want to give people that safe place to step into the light alongside each other.
I invite you to tell your stories and share your truth; you can do it with me, on my Facebook page Angel Works by Gina (www.facebook.com/angelworksbygina). My work with the Angels has definitely taught me honesty is a super high vibrating energy and it is absolutely necessary for healing and growth; without truth, the darkness remains and expands.
So let's do this together. Let's tell our stories (or even just a piece of them); the story that nobody (or very few) knows that keeps us trapped in darkness. Just by sharing it, you begin to heal; you move from just surviving every day or to thriving! I promise this will be a safe and sound place to share. I'm the bouncer and I won't allow anything but positivity, truth, support and love; I got you!
So here's my game plan. Next week I'm announcing a BIG program for the month of October. Part of it will be our sharing with each other, plus tons of other tools that can help us each grow, heal and have better lives; including LIVE ANGEL READINGS TOO! All you have to do is keep following me on my Facebook page, Angel Works by Gina; be sure to check it a few times a day. I'll also be sending out information before and during the October program. Share my page to get others involved and signed up; together we can be better be, we can create better and we will do better.
Thank you for being part of this and helping me ANSWER THE CALL! I hope to return the favor and help you as well. If you aren't quite ready to share, that is absolutely okay; I get it! Just follow along on Facebook (www.ginasendef.com/angelworkdsbygina) and sign up at www.ginasendef.com/blog; I will give you loads of information and inspiration to help you move from struggle to triumph in your life.
But first, I have to actually publish this post. Honestly, I'm still a little scared, but I'm doing it any way. 3,2,1...
Thanks for being part of this journey, we will help each other so much!